ABCs of Caviar

Is your toddler’s first word “Beluga” instead of “Mama”? Do you dream of raising a child who can critique a tasting menu before they can even hold a crayon? Welcome to the family.

Other kids are learning their colors. Yours is learning the difference between Ossetra and Sevruga.

In a world of competitive parenting, give your child the earliest possible advantage with "ABCs of Caviar," the premier educational tool for the discerning tot. This isn't just an alphabet book; it's a primer for a life of exquisite taste, ensuring your little one is ready for their first Michelin-starred meal before they've even graduated from diapers. Why settle for "A is for Apple" when it can be for "Acipenser"?

This Finely-Crafted Primer Features:
- 26 Essential Lessons: From the Caspian Sea to the perfect blini, each letter provides a crucial building block for a life of unnecessary luxury.
- Minimalist Design: Featuring a sophisticated palette of Beluga Black and Mother-of-Pearl Cream that complements any modern nursery aesthetic.
- Actually Educational: Beneath the layers of satire, it’s a genuinely effective ABC book. We’re just improving the vocabulary.
- Parent Notes: Sprinkled with dry humor and knowing winks that only the sleep-deprived, over-achieving parent will appreciate.

Inside This Delicacy of a Book:
- A is for Acipenser: The noble sturgeon, the source of all joy.
- B is for Blini: The only acceptable vehicle for your roe.
- K is for Kaluga: The impressive, buttery cousin to Beluga.
- M is for Mother-of-Pearl: Because metal spoons are for peasants.
- S is for Sevruga: The delightfully robust and salty selection.

The Perfect Gift For:
- Parents who summer in the Hamptons and winter in Aspen.
- Hedge fund managers on a surprisingly long paternity leave.
- Foodie parents who Instagram their baby's first "tasting menu."
- Anyone who believes a four-figure stroller is a "starter."
- Your friend who just *has* to one-up everyone at the baby shower.
- Couples who unironically named their child Sterling.

What Discerning Parents Are Saying:
"He rejected the lumpfish roe and demanded Ossetra. He's 2." - Sterling's Mom, Greenwich, CT
"She now insists on a mother-of-pearl spoon for her yogurt. It's character-building." - Sloane's Dad, Beverly Hills, CA
"Our nanny had to Google 'malossol'. We're so proud." - Caspian's Parents, The Upper East Side

Warning: May cause spontaneous demands for blinis, a precocious palate, a disdain for jarred baby food, and an early appreciation for chilled vodka (for the parents, of course).

Give your child the gift of good taste. After all, it's never too early to learn the alphabet of affluence.