Skip to product information
Is your toddler still learning animal sounds while their peers are analyzing market trends?
Other kids are learning to say 'choo-choo.' Yours is learning to say 'compound interest.'
In a world of hyper-competitive parenting, give your little mogul the intellectual leverage they need to succeed. The ABCs of Hedge Funds is a satirical journey through the complex world of high finance, perfectly distilled for the discerning toddler. Why settle for 'A is for Apple' when 'A is for Arbitrage' sets them on the path to their first billion before they're out of diapers? This is more than a book; it's a down payment on their Ivy League education.
This Ivy League-Bound ABC Book Features:
- 26 High-Finance Lessons: From Alpha to Zero-Sum Game, these aren't your preschool's ABCs. Each letter introduces a core concept from the world of hedge funds, explained with ruthless simplicity.
- Minimalist Design: Printed in sophisticated shades of Heirloom White & Gilded Gold that scream 'we don't fly commercial' and will perfectly complement your neutral-toned nursery.
- Actually Educational: Beneath the layers of satire, it's a surprisingly effective way to introduce complex vocabulary (and a healthy dose of irony).
- Parent Notes: Includes humorous footnotes for adults, just in case you need to explain what a 'short squeeze' is to your nanny.
Inside This Little Mogul's First Lexicon:
- A is for Arbitrage: Because buying low and selling high is a lesson best learned early.
- B is for Bear Market: Teaching resilience when the teddy bear portfolio takes a downturn.
- D is for Diversification: Don't put all your Legos in one basket.
- L is for Leverage: How to use someone else's juice box to get more cookies.
- S is for Short Selling: Profiting from your sibling's inevitable tower collapse.
Perfect Gift For:
- Finance dads & moms who have everything.
- Parents who summer in the Hamptons and winter in Aspen.
- Baby showers where the gifts have a better ROI than the S&P 500.
- Toddlers with a more robust LinkedIn profile than you.
- Your brother-in-law who works in 'finance' (and won't shut up about it).
- Anyone who appreciates a good laugh at the expense of the 1%.
What Hedge Fund Parents Are Saying:
"Leo just shorted his sister's block tower. He's 3." - Tiffany, Greenwich, CT
"She used 'leverage' to get an extra cookie. So proud." - Chad, Upper East Side
"My son's first words were 'alpha' and 'beta'. We're saving for Wharton." - Kinsley, Atherton, CA
Warning: May cause unsolicited financial advice, referring to their juice box as 'liquid assets', attempting to IPO their lemonade stand, and demanding a golden parachute for naptime.
While satirical, this book genuinely introduces advanced vocabulary in a fun, memorable way. Think of it as an economic stimulus package for your child's brain.
Part of the "ABCs of Unnecessary Luxury" series.
@poshtotspress
ABCs of Hedge Funds
Teaching Toddlers Arbitrage Before They Can Walk
£19.99
Other kids are learning to say 'choo-choo.' Yours is learning to say 'compound interest.'
In a world of hyper-competitive parenting, give your little mogul the intellectual leverage they need to succeed. The ABCs of Hedge Funds is a satirical journey through the complex world of high finance, perfectly distilled for the discerning toddler. Why settle for 'A is for Apple' when 'A is for Arbitrage' sets them on the path to their first billion before they're out of diapers? This is more than a book; it's a down payment on their Ivy League education.
This Ivy League-Bound ABC Book Features:
- 26 High-Finance Lessons: From Alpha to Zero-Sum Game, these aren't your preschool's ABCs. Each letter introduces a core concept from the world of hedge funds, explained with ruthless simplicity.
- Minimalist Design: Printed in sophisticated shades of Heirloom White & Gilded Gold that scream 'we don't fly commercial' and will perfectly complement your neutral-toned nursery.
- Actually Educational: Beneath the layers of satire, it's a surprisingly effective way to introduce complex vocabulary (and a healthy dose of irony).
- Parent Notes: Includes humorous footnotes for adults, just in case you need to explain what a 'short squeeze' is to your nanny.
Inside This Little Mogul's First Lexicon:
- A is for Arbitrage: Because buying low and selling high is a lesson best learned early.
- B is for Bear Market: Teaching resilience when the teddy bear portfolio takes a downturn.
- D is for Diversification: Don't put all your Legos in one basket.
- L is for Leverage: How to use someone else's juice box to get more cookies.
- S is for Short Selling: Profiting from your sibling's inevitable tower collapse.
Perfect Gift For:
- Finance dads & moms who have everything.
- Parents who summer in the Hamptons and winter in Aspen.
- Baby showers where the gifts have a better ROI than the S&P 500.
- Toddlers with a more robust LinkedIn profile than you.
- Your brother-in-law who works in 'finance' (and won't shut up about it).
- Anyone who appreciates a good laugh at the expense of the 1%.
What Hedge Fund Parents Are Saying:
"Leo just shorted his sister's block tower. He's 3." - Tiffany, Greenwich, CT
"She used 'leverage' to get an extra cookie. So proud." - Chad, Upper East Side
"My son's first words were 'alpha' and 'beta'. We're saving for Wharton." - Kinsley, Atherton, CA
Warning: May cause unsolicited financial advice, referring to their juice box as 'liquid assets', attempting to IPO their lemonade stand, and demanding a golden parachute for naptime.
While satirical, this book genuinely introduces advanced vocabulary in a fun, memorable way. Think of it as an economic stimulus package for your child's brain.
Part of the "ABCs of Unnecessary Luxury" series.
@poshtotspress