ABCs of Opera

Is your toddler's cultural palate as beige as your minimalist decor? It's time to elevate.

Other kids are learning "Baa, Baa, Black Sheep." Yours is learning the tragic beauty of "La Bohème."

Forget farm animals and friendly fruits. In a world of competitive parenting, the real head start isn't learning to count—it's developing a nuanced appreciation for nineteenth-century Italian composers before they can even pronounce "Puccini." The ABCs of Opera is the essential training manual for the discerning toddler, ensuring your little one can distinguish a libretto from a legato long before their peers have mastered walking.

This Overture to Opulence Features:
- 26 Operatic Lessons: From the dramatic heights of Aria to the finality of Zeffirelli's vision, each letter is a lesson in high art, ensuring your child is never caught humming something as pedestrian as a pop song.
- Minimalist Design: Featuring a sophisticated palette of muted earth tones and tasteful greige that won't clash with your carefully curated nursery aesthetic.
- Actually Educational: While the premise is absurd, the book does, in fact, teach the alphabet. We are legally obligated to mention this.
- Parent Notes: Sprinkled with witty asides and historical footnotes about composer rivalries and scandalous diva demands that you can enjoy over a glass of Barolo after bedtime.

Inside This Libretto for Little Ones:
- A is for Aria: A solo song for a singer who has very, very big feelings.
- C is for Crescendo: When the music gets louder because the feelings are getting even bigger.
- D is for Diva: The star of the show. Do not make eye contact.
- P is for Puccini: He wrote sad, beautiful music that makes Mommy thoughtful.
- V is for Verdi: He wrote loud, exciting music that makes Daddy conduct with a breadstick.

Perfect Gift For:
- Parents who believe "gifted and talented" is a baseline expectation.
- Recovering theater kids who now have 401(k)s.
- Families who list "The Met Opera" as a dependent on their taxes.
- Uncles and aunts aiming for "intellectually intimidating" gift-giver status.
- Anyone who understands that a pacifier can, and should, be used as a conductor's baton.
- Your friend who just installed a wine fridge in the nursery.

What Over-Achieving Parents Are Saying:
"He corrected my pronunciation of 'Wagner.' He's two." - Ashleigh, Greenwich, CT
"She demanded a more dramatic crescendo during 'Wheels on the Bus.' So proud." - Spencer, Pacific Palisades, CA
"Our daughter now refers to naptime as 'the intermission.' It's transformative." - Allegra, Upper East Side, NY

Warning: May cause spontaneous dramatic gestures, a sudden demand for velvet clothing, judging your playlist, and humming "Ride of the Valkyries" during potty training.

Beneath the satire, it's a genuinely beautiful alphabet book designed to be enjoyed by parents and toddlers alike. Bravo!